Dec 22
Here's a new episode by one of Podbean's Top 10 Most Popular Podcasts of 2014 (Kids and Family).  Tell all your "Serial" loving friends to listen.

Matt and D.M. think the comments section on iTunes is broken, but Todd thinks America has just gotten lazy.

D.M. wants the Kim Jong Un exploding head reinstated on DVD. He loves Amazon Prime for last minute Christmas shopping, and used it to get a "pick popper" for Christmas - a gift miles beyond useless.

A listener writes in asking for our tips on what to do in Chicago around New Years - and the Dads main answer is "Don't come to Chicago for New Years."  And D.M. shares the worst New York New Year's story ever.

Michael Rice debates the Dads distaste for legs, and a mystery caller dislikes out balls.

And in Syracuse, D.M. has a coffee drenched computer, a vanity that won't be arriving for Christmas, and a white couch covered in blue slime.  I have a machine gun now, ho ho ho.

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Dec 17
It's a poopier episode than usual this week, but first, Matt can't get Viva to bed and asks Todd if they pain will ever stop.  Then he tells a story about Viva asking where boys pee out of - prompting Todd to tell us his "I'll show you mine if you show me yours story."

Todd is hell bent on getting his foster dog to stop eating poop, even if he has to eat pumpkin and then poop all over his own yard.

At an Ellie sleepover, Todd observes the bossiness and horrible improv troupe that is little girls, and wonder what the term is for a group selfie.  Grelfie? Usie? Wewe?

Oh, and we discover the horror of the "Kentucky Hot Brown."

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Dec 15
The Dads are back and they're pre-ordering some Nut Gloves, and D.M. moves his junk regularly to prevent permanent bend.

A caller asks what he should do in New York City... the Dads advise casual sex.

Then Viva invades the show to talk about Apollonia, and the Dads listen to the "Misfits of Science" theme song.

Then Viva invades the show again - if the Elf on the Shelf catches her, she's screwed.  And the Dads debate the origin and purpose of said fucking elf.  Todd builds a giant advent set with thousands of doors.  Thousands of empty doors.

D.M. gets a frantic call from his wife, who, unfortunately did not kill the kids, but rather submerged their computer in a wading pool full of coffee. They probably lost ten months of photos of their kids... but then they realized they don't fucking care.  Does this mean he doesn't have to buy her something for Christmas?

Oh, and isn't it getting easier and easier to leave your kids unattended in dangerous situations as they get older?

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Dec 12
Today on our Special Edition, the Dads talk prequels, sequels, and "Open Water", which DM is determined to ruin for anyone who comes near him.

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Dec 10
D.M.'s wife drags one of the twin's beds down the hall in a minor mental breakdown.  Then Dave assumes a new identity to screw with a fake Nigerian banker, Sir Kofi Agogo from Lome, Togo,  that's been trying to get the Dads the fortune from their dead uncle, Victor Dad Problems.

Todd has fostered a new dog, and his wife doesn't like it... probably because it vomits feces everywhere.  Is it headed for the great farm in the sky that may or may not be under his sod?

And Caleb, the Ghost Boy in Matt's house comes back in the form of an evil keyboard.  Then Matt watches Black Rockettes and Chicago's shitty Thanksgiving Parade, because Chicago doesn't do holidays well.

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Dec 07
Very funny show today.  Beginning with Kim Kardashian's butt, the word "callipygian," and just who is "Fellatio O'Malley"?

Then we talk Cards Against Humanity and sending feces in the mail.

Next - terrorist pancakes!  Then, polish up your Date Balls!

We get a call from OperaNow!'s Michael Rice, who calls us out on our weird Grandpa bullshit about HDTV's - so we spout some more!

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Dec 05
On today's stewmeat of an episode, Todd and Matt discuss "Discount Chuck E. Cheese's" they have known and their cobbled together pizza-bots.

Is anything sadder than a dying strip mall?  Perhaps a half empty new strip mall?

And who eats at Drive-Thru Panera?  People who want lap burns!

When aliens come back, they'll marvel at how much me must have loved McDLTs.

Todd schools Matt on his Taco Bell references being 20 years out of date.

Why doesn't trashy financial consultant Peter Francis Geraci sell tacos?  He already works out of an abandoned Taco Bell.

McRib comes back when it wants to, sometimes with the pork cut with sawdust,

And with the price of beef being what it is, Todd thinks cutting his family's burgers with sawdust doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

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Dec 02
On Part 2 - Much talk of cranberry sauce.

Matt can't figure out how many of these fucking Glitter Gliders to buy, or what respectable gift to get his daughter.  The Dads discuss it for a while, then decide on something horrible... ceramic birds, I think.

And Todd's son puts the SCENT in adolescent.  What to do about it?

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Nov 30

D.M. is driving away because... well, fuck that guy.  Matt and Todd hold down the fort and beg you for money, then talk about the hottest things on Goddamazon right now...

,.. not to mention the one thing Matt wants on Black Friday (hint: it rhymes with Shmee shmi shmo shmegos.)

Then, YOU folks call in, and ask about the exquisite, "Too Many Cooks", which turns into talk of the new Lenny Kravitz "Fly Away" video and the divine unroll me. Another of you asks about us doing a live show... help us do it!

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Nov 26
I suppose "Joey Loves Chachi" would be better to the ear, but it was Jesse who loves Chachi.

In part 2, Matt's Dad explodes, then crushes Matt's hand with his grip of death.  Matt considers buying him a helper monkey, but then Todd and Matt research "Monkey Shines".  Then they reminisce on "Chopping Mall" and other VHS classics.

Todd is ready to ask "whatever happened to predictability" this Christmas with a Full House boxed set - featuring Charles in Charge... or is it Chachi, as a visiting friend!

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Nov 24

It's a new episode!  Give thanks!

D.M. laments the lack of artist's colonies, the lack of new ideas after 30, and Whose Line Is It Anyway?.

Viva wants Glitter Gliders.

Ceci poops - but where?  Engel can't "power through" with his daughters making noise.  Lack of water proofing is a horrible trait in a tarp.

And D.M. gets propositioned, forcing him to remember the dark algebra of singles bars.

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Nov 21
D.M. and Todd wait for Matt as Todd coughs to death and Bill Cosby rapes everybody.

Meanwhile, Bono gets in a bike wreck and, tragically, survives to make more music that sounds like old music.

More Ebola deaths, and more snow in Buffalo.  And Summer is a shootin' time.

Why do people even live in Buffalo? ...alcoholism.

D.M. gives marital advice: go to bed angry.

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Nov 19

This week has been insane for the three of us dads. No recording took place, and so here's a Thanksgiving episode from last year just to get you in the mood to rape and murder an entire race of people (or at least celebrate like you did). Enjoy!


* * *

Todd wonders how much longer Santa will be coming to his house. All the dads hate Santa for many reasons, mostly because he gets all the cred for the sweet gifts.

Speaking of Santa, his friend the tooth fairy came to Todd's house again, and again Todd screwed the whole thing up. This story is probably going down as a White Dad Problems all time classic!

Matt's monitor is either a portal to the past, a portal to the future, or possessed by the demon boy Caleb. Any way you look at it, he's screwed.  Plus he was home alone last week, sadly baking lasagna after lasagna while receiving prank copies of "Every Day with Rachel Ray" from his friends.

Then a hippie tells him they will "smell ya later" and he strokes out.

Tune in Friday

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Nov 16

This week has been insane for the three of us dads. No recording took place, and so here's a Thanksgiving episode from last year just to get you in the mood to rape and murder an entire race of people (or at least celebrate like you did). Enjoy!

                                  *    *    *

You survived your camp out in the Best Buy parking lot?  Just lost 4 toes but got a flat screen for $100?  Good for you.

We've got a sexy new listener in Syracuse named "Courtney Cakes" and she likes us, especially when we mock Syracusian yard pipes!

Really Beastie Boys?  Really Goldiblocks?  This is the dumbest fight ever.

D.M. prepares to travel to see family and mooch a bed, which he hates.  He also hasn't slept in a long time.... a looooong time.  Matt used to not sleep, and he got off on the sickness. Speaking of sickness, D.M. contemplates whether or not he has bipolar disorder, and it's the funniest examination of the gradual unravelling of a human being since Anna Nicole died in front of her child.

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Nov 14
It's a live Bonus as Matt and Todd shiver in a car.  They talk college dorm shower horrors, roommates with runaway girlfriends, classy dorm furniture, and insidious car smells!

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