Jan 25

On this episode, we learn that Todd Jay is the Jenny McCarthy of dog owners.

Is looking for Podcasts on the Apple de app dead? Probably.

Todd and Matt discuss the new “Dark Little Angels” line of Jessica Alba diapers. Matt tries to buy Viva some “Frozen” ice pop makers, which is an impossible task, like one hand clapping.

Todd's Chicago accent becomes the start of the show as they Dads discuss Cadbury Cream Egghazi.

And on the Voice Mail Line (DIP POO FUOM) – HATE MAIL for “Middle Aged Men Fumbling Through IMDB-Cast”!!!!

Give us a call at 347-766-FUOM to join the dogpile!

And of course, that calls lead to... more fumbling through IMDB! Beverly Hills" something...


The DuPage Childrens Museum flooded, and Matt's house is next.

And Matt and Todd discuss "Disney Collector" and get very jealous over making 4 million dollars opening toys.

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Jan 23

The Scientology discussion continues with Kirstie Alley and a Pretend Spaceship Navy wedding.

Speaking of missing people - where is Richard Simmons?  And was Richard Simmons ever really in on the whole Richard Simmons thing?  And how long have their been "out" celebs?  And can the dads make Charles Nelson Reilly noises?

Finally, D.M. decided to just push his ancient Nordic track into the street.


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Jan 21
The Roccos go to an Italian restaurant in time for MLK day, but Viva's dream has all Italians looking the same.

And Matt sustains a sexy injury.

It's everyone's favorite season on White Dad Problems - Jube Jel season - but has Todd's obsession made him a threat to himself and others?!!!

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Jan 19

Does Marky Mark get a pardon? How about Donny Mark?

Todd eats magic berries, and it makes all his sugary foods taste sugarier.

ISIS babies, you make our dreams come true.

Michael Rice calls and has an aneurism over Matt's Ludditism.

And D.M. realizes he spent his whole 30's fat... will 80's exercise equipment help?


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Jan 16
John Travolta debuts new weird hair things. Will Xenu strike down our show?

All this and more on our weird Friday outtake show...

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Jan 14
Sesquicentennial Cake Party Part 2!

Matt and Melissa miss a field trip and become the friendless couple at Hipster Nursery School.  Then they piss off the Fake Neighborhood Association.  The Matt falls down and breaks his ribs.

Todd, in the meantime, paints his Master Bedroom after 9 years, and it doesn't win him any points with the wife at all, despite his Frost-Free Sillcock.

And listen for the greatest interpretation of "Into the Woods" you've ever heard.

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Jan 11

This is the 150th week of new content from the Dads!  Love them or hate them, they've pushed out a lot of stuff.  Enjoy this sesquicentennial fake radio non-broadcast!

Matt and Todd eat a sesquicentennial cake and try to pack some fudge for D.M.

Nicholas Sparks is getting a divorce.  Who will take care of him?

Some call it a "slingbox".

The Doggone girl is Kanye's.

Must we all love Meryl Streep?

We DO all love Fat Damon, but not Old Batman.

Was Jesus tall?  Was Paul a Doubting Thomas?

D.M.'s girls run roughshod over the house all night, until Nikki comes up with a terrifying way of keeping them in bed.

And the Dads are all too old and injured and out of shape to lift their children.

Here's to 150 more.


And listen for the greatest interpretation of "Into the Woods" you've ever heard.

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Jan 09
Bond. James Bond. SPACE James Bond.

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Jan 07

Professor Foster forgot to pack the Christmas gravy, but Matt already used up his emergency gravy! Gravy apocalypse!

At the Rocco house, it's too many toys, too many princesses, and a lousy naive Santa who forgets to pre-assemble.

At the Jay house, it's MORE FLOODING, because Todd love flooding.  He loooooves it.


And listen for the greatest interpretation of "Into the Woods" you've ever heard.

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Jan 04

Welcome back Podbean's 2nd most downloaded Kids and Family Podcast in 2014!  Hindi kid's stories, we're coming for you!

It's the last episode recorded in 2014, and DM wanted to get one last "sleeping through the show" in - which he did!


Meanwhile, Matt tries to complete every toy set his daughter loses pieces to on Amazon (Goddamazon!). Blame the completionist genes.

Todd and Kelly needs to give each kid EXACTLY the right number of gifts, even if they have to set fire to a few.

Both Matt and his wife and Todd and his wife are trying to find new television shows to watch together.  It would probably easier just to divorce.  Matt invents an all Jeopardy questions channel: AQN, the All Question Network.

And a listener in Nebraska tries "Full House" based on Todd's recommendation and ends up ugly crying.  Don't blame John Posey... he got fired.


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Dec 29
It's the holidays, but we're avoiding stuffing your stocking with crappy old reruns by instead stuffing you with crappy outtakes.  This time we talk about crappy "Rent" lyrics and even crappier country lyrics about "Christmas Shoes."  Christmas shoes?!

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Dec 24
D.M.'s computer will smell like hazelnut forever.

Todd is trying to figure out what his kids think about Santa, and should he just let them learn the truth on the street like they did about sex.

Matt saw a record two movies - the terrifying, "The Babadook" - which made him wonder if a Kickstarter campaign to create a cursed book that make you kill your kids is a good idea, and "Interstellar" - which D.M. and Matt both agree was good until it was incredibly stupid.

No sex, please, we're Christopher Nolan.  And Todd can't sit through a movie without peeing, mostly because he drinks all the pop. ALL THE POP.

And Marky Mark impressions.

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Dec 22
Here's a new episode by one of Podbean's Top 10 Most Popular Podcasts of 2014 (Kids and Family).  Tell all your "Serial" loving friends to listen.

Matt and D.M. think the comments section on iTunes is broken, but Todd thinks America has just gotten lazy.

D.M. wants the Kim Jong Un exploding head reinstated on DVD. He loves Amazon Prime for last minute Christmas shopping, and used it to get a "pick popper" for Christmas - a gift miles beyond useless.

A listener writes in asking for our tips on what to do in Chicago around New Years - and the Dads main answer is "Don't come to Chicago for New Years."  And D.M. shares the worst New York New Year's story ever.

Michael Rice debates the Dads distaste for legs, and a mystery caller dislikes out balls.

And in Syracuse, D.M. has a coffee drenched computer, a vanity that won't be arriving for Christmas, and a white couch covered in blue slime.  I have a machine gun now, ho ho ho.

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Dec 17
It's a poopier episode than usual this week, but first, Matt can't get Viva to bed and asks Todd if they pain will ever stop.  Then he tells a story about Viva asking where boys pee out of - prompting Todd to tell us his "I'll show you mine if you show me yours story."

Todd is hell bent on getting his foster dog to stop eating poop, even if he has to eat pumpkin and then poop all over his own yard.

At an Ellie sleepover, Todd observes the bossiness and horrible improv troupe that is little girls, and wonder what the term is for a group selfie.  Grelfie? Usie? Wewe?

Oh, and we discover the horror of the "Kentucky Hot Brown."

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Dec 15
The Dads are back and they're pre-ordering some Nut Gloves, and D.M. moves his junk regularly to prevent permanent bend.

A caller asks what he should do in New York City... the Dads advise casual sex.

Then Viva invades the show to talk about Apollonia, and the Dads listen to the "Misfits of Science" theme song.

Then Viva invades the show again - if the Elf on the Shelf catches her, she's screwed.  And the Dads debate the origin and purpose of said fucking elf.  Todd builds a giant advent set with thousands of doors.  Thousands of empty doors.

D.M. gets a frantic call from his wife, who, unfortunately did not kill the kids, but rather submerged their computer in a wading pool full of coffee. They probably lost ten months of photos of their kids... but then they realized they don't fucking care.  Does this mean he doesn't have to buy her something for Christmas?

Oh, and isn't it getting easier and easier to leave your kids unattended in dangerous situations as they get older?

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