Oct 01
D.M. and one of his twins go on a plastic surgery roadtrip, and she treats him to sonic torture.  When he gets home, and she has a new toy her sister doesn't have - there's even more torture.

The Dads are sad because they can't ignore their kids' illness like the do their own, and have to pay copays.

D.M. gives some great credit advice - ignore your creditors and forget your credit score... you can always still buy a house in Syracuse.

Todd had to pay a surgical fee to get ointment, and D.M. payed what Matt paid for a hospital stay just to get told off.

Matt went to New York, and watched the Chinese Mafia hoard iPhone 6s.  Todd has the 6 and keeps dropping it from his sausage fingers, and all the Dads just wants computer sized computers and phone sized phones, like  in the olden days.

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Sep 29
The Dads discuss All Shonda Thursdays on ABC and their favorite 80's post-TV show production company logo, like Stephen J. Cannell, John Charles Walters, and UBU.

Then they talk about the White Dads theme by one of the other D.M. Engels.

D.M. is not allowed to pee in his own bathroom, and he and his wife have written swear words on their bathroom walls.

A listener makes a Jalapeno McDicken and Matt is going to his house.

Viva loves action figures and Matt wants to use her to justify buying a $100 lego Terror Drome.
The Engel Girls watch the new Strawberry Shortcake and D.M. makes them watch the old one.

Paul Konerko retires from the White Sox and everyone cries. The Dads dread trotting out the 2005 Sox forever like Chicago trots out the 85 Bears,

Josie Engel is a rapping surfer from gangsta city.  The New Strawberry Shortcake has no conflict.

Growing Pains had a Gold sister, but we don't know which.

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Sep 26
Listen to enough NPR and your "driveway moment" will be a shotgun suicide in the car.

D.M. and Matt wanted Scotland to secede, and so did the rest of America.

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Sep 23
Todd tries to get an iPhone 6 and gets a bureaucratic nightmare out of a Russian novel, instead.

Matt throws a birthday party and breaks his own heart.

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Sep 22
Hey Everybody! IN this episode we wonder why phones are getting bigger and pants are getting smaller. Todd has ordered his iPhone 6 and already resents for distracting him from his kids.

Dave's girls have decided to continue to share a room...for now. This saves Dave many man hours of remodeling, but he will continue to never sleep. Dave loves plastic mattresses. If Dave paints half of his house once a week, Zeno's Paradox says he will NEVER be done painting his house.

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Sep 19
On this bonus edition, the Dads make the horrifying discovery that Wilford Brimley was only 10 years older than Matt when he filmed Cocoon, and they wonder what casting would be for a remake of Cocoon.

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Sep 16
D.M. is finally putting the twins in different bedrooms, but now he has to make the decorations equitable.  Oh, and bats are falling out of the sides of his home, because they removed the headstones, BUT THEY DIDN'T REMOVE THE BODIES!

And Todd completely melts down on his kids for not feeding the dog. Now there is no dog to feed. Oh, and his daughter is blossoming into a woman, as are the Dads. That means she's asking about pantyliner commercials, which make Todd almost as uncomfortable as his kids not feeding the dog.

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Sep 14

This week the Dads come up with a great plan for screwing over Olive Garden's marketing department: the Pasta Colostomy.

Then they talk toddler beds and how they ruin your life.

Viva went to the hospital, and ever since is the most spoiled child on earth - and her upcoming birthday will feature live entertainment and all the presents ever.  Everything in Matt's house is brought by a fairy, and death is never permanent, everything in D.M.'s Syracuse is cold, harsh reality.

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Sep 10
Presents for kid's parties you didn't want to attend, stubble on the man who is performing oral on you, and much, much, more!

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Sep 07

We're catching up on the Mailbag, Voicemail, and more!

But, first, we talk about the miracle of pre-ordering from "Goddamazon" as Matt waits and waits for his miniature HISS Tank.

Tim in NY is on the phone, asking about Matt's dick.

Matt reveals the prize baskets for the Fatty Fatty Fat Fat... Fat contest, and it's 80's rad awesome!

Ian goes paralyzes from pooping, Drew sends emergency potty advice, and much, much more!

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Sep 04
Matt finishes his France report with Professor Foster starting an international incident.

D.M.'s house ages into becoming your Grandpa's toenails.

And Todd has to get his 6th grader a phone, so he started with a skeezy burner.

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Sep 03

On today's show, the Dads explore the absent mothers of 80s and 90s sitcoms.  They discuss party favors you can buy through our portal, and the dreaded "big girl beds" coming down the pike for them.

Once again our hosts complain about the complainers about the ice bucket challenge, who don't seem to understand how the water cycle works, or that you can't mail water.  Then they make old Lou Gehrig's disease jokes.

Matt is back from France, and he discusses that strange country, with its lack of beverages and bathrooms.

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Aug 29
Deep cuts - here is Matt and D.M. with guest host Michael Rice of OperaNow! THE Opera Podcast talking about their childhood crushes on Susan Saint James, then evaluate Law & Order: SVU and wish for a jetpack wearing, infodumping B.D. Wong.

Todd's dog brings you shoes when you come over, but the shoes don't fit.

The Dads get punchy and talk about elderly Robert Redford's weird silent disaster pic, "This Couldn't Possibly Get Any Worse", and give it a million new titles.

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Aug 27
Welcome to part 2! Dave’s landscaping project may have caused his basement to flood. Dave considers that killing himself would be easier than the clean-up he has ahead of him.

Todd’s kids have been into the 1960’s Batman reruns on IFC. While the show is harmless, IFC doesn’t seem to realize that kids might be watching Batman reruns at 8 in the morning and thinks it is okay to runs promos for shows that involve hand-jobs and public urination.

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Aug 24

Welcome back to your mom's favorite show to rock a shower head to. Matt's in France checking out your underpants this week. He'll be back in a few days, ready to fill our hearts with tales of pastry and surrender.

Todd really hates Seth Meyers show. D.M. hates Americans who think Ebola could possibly ever in a million billion years come to the U.S. and decimate the country. He also rocks some serious geography  regarding recent events in Liberia. 

D.M.'s daughter Cecilia cuts her face so the dads can put a plug in for Mederma on Amazon Prime. Sweet kid, that Cecilia. Todd used it on his daughter hit a dog's mouth with her face and it cleared everything right up.

Next the dads take a call on the White Dad Voice Mail, on which Matthew Sm1th (spelled correctly) craps on D.M.'s parenting skills. 

ALS is stealing all the money out from under all other diseases, and it has to stop. Now.

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