Aug 29
Deep cuts - here is Matt and D.M. with guest host Michael Rice of OperaNow! THE Opera Podcast talking about their childhood crushes on Susan Saint James, then evaluate Law & Order: SVU and wish for a jetpack wearing, infodumping B.D. Wong.

Todd's dog brings you shoes when you come over, but the shoes don't fit.

The Dads get punchy and talk about elderly Robert Redford's weird silent disaster pic, "This Couldn't Possibly Get Any Worse", and give it a million new titles.

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Aug 27
Welcome to part 2! Dave’s landscaping project may have caused his basement to flood. Dave considers that killing himself would be easier than the clean-up he has ahead of him.

Todd’s kids have been into the 1960’s Batman reruns on IFC. While the show is harmless, IFC doesn’t seem to realize that kids might be watching Batman reruns at 8 in the morning and thinks it is okay to runs promos for shows that involve hand-jobs and public urination.

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Aug 24

Welcome back to your mom's favorite show to rock a shower head to. Matt's in France checking out your underpants this week. He'll be back in a few days, ready to fill our hearts with tales of pastry and surrender.

Todd really hates Seth Meyers show. D.M. hates Americans who think Ebola could possibly ever in a million billion years come to the U.S. and decimate the country. He also rocks some serious geography  regarding recent events in Liberia. 

D.M.'s daughter Cecilia cuts her face so the dads can put a plug in for Mederma on Amazon Prime. Sweet kid, that Cecilia. Todd used it on his daughter hit a dog's mouth with her face and it cleared everything right up.

Next the dads take a call on the White Dad Voice Mail, on which Matthew Sm1th (spelled correctly) craps on D.M.'s parenting skills. 

ALS is stealing all the money out from under all other diseases, and it has to stop. Now.

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Aug 22
Happy Friday!! Forget your work week with dose of Bonus! Pizza Hut is worried about competition hurting it's business, when they should be worried that it's not 1987. Our generation loves to talk about the 80's but the guys wonder if people will ever be nostalgic about the 90's. Todd already is if you count his collection of De La Soul music.

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Aug 20

Welcome back. 

Now that D.M.'s daughters are two-and-a-half and potty trained, they've started more difficult bodily fluid expulsion tricks, like how to poop in a corner, or pee in front of the toilet. Cecilia seems to have mastered the art of clenching her face in order to make her father think she's pooping…as a joke. 

Matt has to get a physical, and it's time to show his female doctor the goods. She's nervous, of course, and in the end there just wasn't enough blood flowing to that region of the body to impress anyone.

Todd looks at a twenty-year-old note to Kelly that Matt drew on back in the day.

Tony Stewart murders a guy, and Ferguson, MO, is still a bad place to take the kids on vacation.

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Aug 17
On today's new episode, the Dads go loco for the jalapeno double.

The Dads test out the new voice mail with a drowning drunk dial from Ohio - we hope the caller is still alive, but it doesn't seem like it!

Matt gets some phrase books on Amazon, and is afraid to use them, while D.M. downloads "Nemo" on Amazon so he can cry and cry and cry. The Dads are tired of having their emotions destroyed by manipulated points of light, and Todd's troubles seem too always line up with tragedies in Pixar films.

Speaking of grief - people on Facebook need to get it together, lest the passing of Robin Williams push facebook hystrionics right into madness.

Todd doesn't want to be so out of shape anymore, but his body keeps bringing him to fast food restaurants, sometimes shutting off his brain to make it happen.  He thinks there is one last fit Todd in there somewhere, but it he may have to hit rock bottom to get there, and rock bottom for Todd might mean accidentally crushing one of his children while playing Twister... which almost happened this week.

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Aug 15
Join us as the dads discuss the pros and cons of falling in love with a dumb person. Then check out our new puppet problems at whitedadproblems.com

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Aug 12
D.M.'s kids are 2 and a half and have never slept.  This may explain D.M.  The Engel house is just a giant vaudeville routine involving shuffling toddlers from room to room and falling asleep for minute increments of time on various surfaces.

Over at Todd's house - he new extra Wooly Willy look, shaved head AND no beard, it testing poorly with audiences.  He also just completed his annual non-relaxing vacation with extended family, and is considering renting a pontoon boat in the wilderness, or perhaps going on a vision quest into his dark heart.

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Aug 10

Todd has been on Goddamazon buying his kid's summer reading - which is kid didn't do.  He didn't do his summer journals, either, which raised many questions, including:  WTF is summer journaling?  Does he really have to do this?  How is Todd going to cheat this? Should Matt and D.M. smother their kids before they get to Jr. High?

Matt's going to Europe - perhaps to relax, perhaps to ruin his marriage.  Hard to say.

Speaking of Matt's marriage, it got better this weekend when he and his wife went to a street fair and she got just the right amount drunk - then everything was foiled when Viva needed to poop and all that was available was Port-o-Potties which has "gotten it from both ends."  Hilarity and public evacuation ensues.

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Aug 06
Hey everyone, 

So, we're back on track this week, sort of. All of last week's episodes are now up and running. 

We had plans to throw some videos your way this week, but iTunes is having its way with our back side, and so instead, we ask that you go to whitedadproblems.com to check out a video that we posted this week. 

Lastly, we have a new voicemail for those of you who'd like to send a question or comment and be heard on the air! Just call 347-766-FUOM, 347-766-3866. 

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And check out our weekly comic essays each Tuesday at Chicago Parent!

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Aug 02
D.M. wonders if hating top-notch Jewish comics makes him an anti-Semite. Todd hates white guys who currently host NBC Late Night. This leads to high fives for hating on Zach Braff's new "I make out with hot chicks in this movie" movie.

The dads relive Kevin Ware's leg snap, and D.M. tells of a YouTube video in which a skier breaks his ankles like boiled chicken bones.

A little M17 talk.

Serrated vaginas?

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Aug 01

D.M. shares an update in which he goes toe to toe with a rampaging racist in a grocery store.

The Dads also see a pick of Dave's dad in the 3rd world hospital, and, indeed, there is SO. MUCH. BLOOD.

Matt visits a magic shop and learns of the bizarre and arcane world of... magic shops.

Then he goes to the movies, where everything is called "Rise of" something, and the bwom trailers are for bible action buddy flicks.

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Jul 28

This week Matt turns off his Amazon Mom account because Viva is almost over diapers - but just what are Pull-Ups?  Some worthless tweener?  The Dads debate.

A twelve year old Todd picked up chicks with the magic of prog rock and bad weed.

Speaking of Todd, he experiments with shaving his goatee, which causes his family not to love him.

Then we invent "Movember: Thirty Days of Cock" - or 31 on Leap Cock.

We ask our gay listeners - stubble on stubble - is it extra painful? Is it a protective layer?  Is it loud? whitedadproblems@gmail.com

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Jul 25
Here's the hidden track on our album of funny.

The Rocco Family goes to Thorndale Beach on the 4th of July and nearly get blown up by illegal fireworks.

Todd is an old hand at watching illegal fireworks, and he spends most of the summer watching roofs catch fire.

D.M. is amazed that in this day and age there are still illegal fireworks, after all, this is the world where they don't want you to drive tired.

And Todd suggest selling "banana bags" to drunk drivers.

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Jul 23

Here's a great new episode for the Todd lovers out there.  Both of you.

Todd locks up his children's skin disease and throws them back in the public waterways.

Then he completely gives up on his vitality and buys a birdfeeder, so he can give $15 worth of seeds a day to birds. But not the black ones (racist!!!!!).

He also has a new way to eat ice cream every day, and has convinced Matt's daughter that ice cream > fruit.

Speaking of Viva, she will pee on your floor and not care one bit.  She's the honey badger of peeing on floors.

And Matt sees a billboard for "abortion juice."  Tasty.

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