Apr 18

Bitcoin?!  The Dads only like fake money when its real money.

What nudist colonies need are more dermatologists.

The Dads have 5 kids - math says that one kid will be bisexual.

What's the worst way to commit suicide, family-wise?  We're thinking dynamite.

And Todd drinks his last southern Illinois off-brand cola.

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Apr 15
Jr. High kids are sexting in the suburbs - duh!  And wouldn't you have?  Thank god cell phones are new.

Alex gets a love note, and Todd accidentally humiliates and horrifies him.

Matt still can't figure out how to order food - this time he fails at Taco Bell.

And Matt and Viva listen to the famous Beatles song, "Green Mister Grouchy Guy."

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Apr 13
The Dads ponder why they always get looked over to inherit late night talk shows - even "The Chevy Chase Awkward Squirming Hour".

Viva wants a scooter, and a helmet, because kids are nerds now. And college kids on skateboards are tools. Todd buys Alex a scooter that he hates.  Matt reminisces about bringing crutches to a Brazilian steak house, resulting in multiple accidental stabbings, and the Dads debate grocery store passing etiquette.

D.M. is glad he jumped off Facebook before it got so boring they had to make up something to do on Thursdays, and the Dads realize that Throwback Thursday is an excuse for parents past their prime to show photos of themselves when they looked good.

It seems inappropriate for Spotify to put animal abuse commercials on sexy stations... is it even more appropriate to just sex through them?

In one of the great updates in WDP history, D.M. tries to show a baby picture on his phone to his 60 year old neighbors... and show them something else, instead.

Also, D.M. continues to try and murder his offspring - it all started way back with his blown IVF trigger shot - now he's accidentally pulling them off of swings and slides.

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Apr 11
Here's the deleted scenes for the Criterion Collection version of this show.

D.M.'s neighbors are using his wife as their psychiatric couch.

You know what ruins time travel fantasies? Kids. (They ruin everything.)

And hyphenated ladies last names: do they keep one foot in singlehood?

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Apr 09
Warning - here be spoilers for the movie "Gravity". Phase one, in which Doris gets her oats.

D.M.'s kids refuse to give up their pacifiers, even though their teeth will soon look far worse than those of a sheepshead fish. He also wants to start a podcast just giving away spoilers, and decided to start it right here.

Then D.M. argues that Sandra Bullock's character should probably have just given up in "Gravity" - and the emergency value of the liberal application of space poles to space stations is discussed.

Todd becomes a harsh "Pierogi Dad" again by asking if he should be punishing his kid for a B- in handwriting.  Aren't you glad you don't live in Todd's house?

And we finish with a discussion of state fossils in South Carolina - the land before time!

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Apr 06
Is a little todder urine really worth the shower scene from "Silkwood", Clorox? Couldn't you just mop it up? And does Clorox need to advertise?

Matt goes crazy on "Amazon Mom" and now his house is filled with diapers.  Diapers are expensive.

Mommas, don't let your babies go out with James Francos.

Matt visit's a second grade and, like Todd's house, it is a horror show of loose teeth.

Children's skulls are a terrifying thing - rivaled only by the sheepshead fish!

And finally, the Dads realize they've reached an age where ordering from restaurants and buying things in stores is frightening and confusing.  Oh, and so they start shoplifting!

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Apr 03
Inside the Actor's Studio sheds its last vestige of respectability by having the d-bag hack boat that is the cast of HIMYM pay James Lipton. And Matt retells James Lipton's story about being fucked with by Marlon Brando.

If the Dads are ever on a Generation Ship, they have mixed feelings about wearing space suits all day.

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Apr 01
D.M. hates Gwyneth Paltrow with the passion of a thousand suns and decided to "conciously uncouple" from her and her bullshit.

Matt has never been alone with his own child, so when Professor Foster goes on a business trip, he ships her off to Grandma's. Now he's going to work on his G.I. Joe fanfic in time for the Community G.I. Joe episode.

Baby Viva never stops talking, while D.M.'s twins communicate telepathically and live in a wading pool full of amniotic fluid where they predict crimes.

Matt has pretty blue eyes and Viva loves him very much and he can jump on the trampoline if he really tries.

D.M. wakes up in his own home to find that a phantom toddler has written horrifying messages on his white board.  Syracuse Caleb??!

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Mar 30
Welcome to White Dad Problems, where Wimpy Kid knockoffs flow like water from our Amazon portal. Buy your crap through it now!

Facebook bought Oculus - hopefully that will make for better VR than the Nintendo Virtual Boy - the Instant Headache of the 80's.

It's Spring Break at Todd's house, and since Todd hates holidays and hates his kids - he's merely foisting them off on relatives and making a makeshift MTV party in his basement complete with Jr. Senor Frogs and tiny VJs.

Naturally, that turns into talk about the Big Bang, and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe - which is an Arby's.  An Arby's in Heaven.  With Querfy sauce.

Then Todd gets the Death Shivers!!!!

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Mar 28
Bonus Problems 100!  Extra special totally mundane outtake episode!

We talk Mel Blanc comas and racist impressions.

Then we talk terrible ballads, like "Can't Take My Eyes off of You" - all three songs called that, and the horror of the "I'm Giving Up on You" song.

And D.M. talks about the horrors of David Grey Puss Rock break-up tapes.

Then the dads rant against being recruited by religions like they're joining a gym.

And finally, the Dads talk about how their kids will react to hearing this show someday.

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Mar 26
In Part 2, Matt has a bear and wants to tell you about.  His wife thinks it look good, but hates the feel.  Kelly hates Todd's beard feel, too, and he has some goatee shame, but it makes him less circular, so he keeps it. Matt wants to lose wait and then shave.

Baby Viva has a new favorite toy, Matt's priceless limited edition "Greg Skywalker" action figure.  MIB, worth over one million Galactic Standard Credits.

And Todd goes to the eye doctor for the first time in a zillion years even though he has insurance, and lies, lies, lies, about how long he wears his contacts. He also only gives his kid the "Polish Eye Test" ("Hey, kid, read that liquor store sign.") - send guide dogs to Todd's house.

And how often are kids supposed to go to get physicals anyway?  Todd says once every never. He "brings his kids up filthy."

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Mar 23
The Dads have hopefully fixed the lag so they won't talk over each other as much this show. As much.

Blues Clues - who is this Joe guy who killed Steve and took his house?!

Wait, Malaysia lost a plane?  Who loses a plane?!

Winter has ruined everything. And everyone. Kill yourself next October.

Why are your legs wet?!  Why are your legs wet?! D.M.'s girls are finding new and more insidious ways to pee on, and in, things, including heat registers.  Ah, the delightfully acrid aroma of hot urine.

And D.M.'s daughter, now well over 2, continue to not sleep.  D.M. will be dead soon, his slow demise recorded right here.

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Mar 20

OMG Bonus Problems is, like, totes random.

The Dads talk "Forest Gump II: Never Forget" - and why it didn't get made.

Then they talk the M*A*S*H dream episode, the St. Elsewhere "Divine Comedy" episode, and fantasize about touching Howie Mandel.

Then Baby Viva takes the mic and sings a showtune.

More bitching about the Winter Olympics! (Except not from Todd, because he LOVES curling.)

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Mar 19
More letters from YOU - the listeners!

Caleb the Ghost makes a debut on ABC TV!

"Waterjuice" is overheard on a plane!

Wii games for girls!

And finally, a VERY concerned mother writes for advice about... personal time!

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Mar 16
It's time once again to open the mailbag containing letters from you, our Fake Radio pen pals!

We start by talking about Matt's D.M. voice, and the fallacy of playdough, then we move to Keith in the Northern Chicago suburbs who isn't sure if he should have kids, and Drew in Austin who is being eaten alive by his baby's cursed soul.

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